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Monday, March 2, 2009

More than I can handle for now

I'm sorry. I know everyone is mourning Klaus(as are we) No, Mom is not dead. But she "told" me tonight that she was not going to try anymore(she hasn't been much) to get off the breathing machine. That she still wanted all measures taken(shocking, cpr, etc). And has no problem with going from where she is to a nursing home that takes care of vent patients.(where she will die-closest one is far away-if she won't try anymore she may not live long enough to make it there anyway) I said alot of things. That she was killing me, and could she not think of her daughters(3), grandkids(6) and great grandkids(2) especially Maddy who lives here -who she sees all the time-her other grandson lives in Ca. nope. maybe someday I'll have the energy to relay the whole conversation, but I am all cried out, and tired and, I don't know what else.
I'm sorry to post this right now. And maybe I shouldn't. My heart is breaking. I have never felt so alone in this big world. And I hate saying all this the day after Klaus' passing. I'll be back. Maybe soon, maybe a while. I don't know.

19 comments:

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

Well, we have lots of extra vibes available now...I'm sure Lulu and Bogart will let woo have some...

I'm sure this is furry hard fur woo to experience...

All woo khan do is support her...hold her khlose...and realize she hasn't let woo down to this point in your life...

Woo still need her so woo need to tell her that...

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra and Her Mom Phyll

Asta said...

Dear Jamie
We're here for you..you're not alone..I'm so sorry about everything that you are going through right now.your Mom is so very sick, she's not thinking of all that now..you know , she loves you..you can't count what she says.I'm not makig any sense, but please go home, get some rest..this is the most awful ordeal for you..you must be drained beyond belief...we're holding you in our hearts..I pray that your burden gets lightened
love
Ami
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Scottie the 'cutie' said...

Hi Jamie,

I just found out about your Mom through Asta's blog...so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. I don't really know what to say other than you and your family are also in our thoughts and prayers...like what Khyra says,keep supporting her and hold her close.

Audrey

BenTheRotti said...

Jamie,

Your Mom is very much in our prayers and thoughts. Of course you should post this, don't apologise! We are your friends, no matter what else is going on we don't care any less about you.

Sweetie you are tired, emotionally and physically drained, You are fighting so hard for her recovery and you don't want her to give up, so its natural you should feel frustration, anger even.. but she is tired too and doesn't mean it. She will fight, she doesn't want to leave you.

Our hearts go out to you. If you need a break then we will all understand and we will all be here when you are ready to come back, but get some rest and think about it, sometimes it helps to get the emotion out, even if only in written form.

Ben is sending Rotti Zen and we are sending you love and healing energy for your Mom.

Hang in there sweetie, we are all right beside you.

Sue & Ben xxxx

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Thinking of you Jamie. I dont know what else to say :( We are all here for you if you need us - we have plenty of love to go around.

Hang in there buddy - I cant imagine what you are going through.

Love

Greg, Brooke, Charlie & Opy

Gus said...

Jamie:

We are constantly amazed at the wisdom these dog blogs share. We agree that your mom is not ready to give up yet. If she really wanted to quit, she would rescind the order for cpr, etc. Or ask you to do that for her. (hard, very hard) So step back, give her a bit of rest from the fight, and take a few deep breaths of all the support we are all sending your way.

We know this is not where you want her to be right now, but hope we can help you work through this.

barb and gussie n teka

Toffee said...

I agree with the others...there is plenty of love to go around and we are all here for you.

xoxoxo

Abby said...

Dear, Jamie...

Our hearts go out to you...You are going thru such a difficult time...

We want you to know that our love & thoughts & prayers are with you...

Please take care of yourself...

Much Love,
Abby & her Mom xxxxxooooo

Mango said...

Oh Jamie,
One of my friends is going through the same thing. His mom is so sick and she is very tired of fighting. It is just awful. Your spirit must be tired. I hope you can find some comfort and rest for yourself.

Mango Momma

Dennis the Vizsla said...

We'll still be here for you whenever you need us. Even Trouble the kitty.

Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

Jamie, our mom understands...better than you might think. Four years ago, she watched her mom die of cancer. I know it wasn't exactly the same thing you are going through, but she had that same feeling of being alone and the feeling of being completely helpless. Please hang in there and take as much time as you need. We will all be here when you get back!

Aire-hugs,
Poppy, Penny & Patches

Coco said...

Jamie, please contact me. i really need to talk you through this. I havent been able to stop thinking about you in yoru time of need.You need a friend...not isolation. Please email me your number so i can call you. I'll be waiting...

Puppy Kisses from Coco and Hugs from Me (LeeTal)

Joe Stains said...

Don't apologize, we are here for you too. As much as it must hurt and be impossible to understand, it is her life so don't kill yourself trying to change her mind.

the 4 Bs said...

we know this is an emotional time for you. we hope that you can accept your mom's wishes. our mom's mom had a DNR request and it was honored. she was only 55 when she went to heaven, but that was what she wanted. people get tired of suffering and fighting. they just get worn out. it's hard for the ones that they leave behind, but we have to go on. it's the only thing we can do.

hang in there and know that we are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Lacy said...

Jamie, sweetie, i didnt comment last nite cause i really didnt no what to say...ur tired, shes tired...i wish i could get a peemail to go through to u, but i cant...my mom, after her stroke went through that i dont care anymore mood too...breaks ur heart..i guess all u can do, is b there for her..and please, tell us how u feel, it will help..u r always on my mind, just wish i could help..

b safe,
~rocky and mama~

Allison (Dog Mom) said...

We are so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. We will keep you and your mom and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Wuv,
Gus and Waldo

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

hey, Jamie, look at the comments and the good wishes, you are not alone!

we love you, we feel your pain.

easy to say, but hey, we mean it.

Lorenza said...

Our hearts are right there with you.
Take care
Lorenza and mom

Petra said...

Oh Jamie, my heart is breaking with yours. I wish I could take the weight of this burden from you...but I'm walking along beside you, holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

Margie (Petra)