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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

clarification about respecting Mom's wishes

to the 4 Bs: I have tried to honor each and every request my mom has. I have medical power of attorney. she had told me MANY times she did not want to live on machines. At the time of her code,(which involved compressions, not shocking ,as she went flat line 3 times, had she made herself a DNR she would have gotton that request honored) Hell, I felt guilty she was on the vent, but 3 docs told me she could get off. She is making herself full code now(one of my questions for her yesterday) and I am respecting that.(She nodded yes to are you afraid of dying?) That is one thing I will ALWAYS do-respect her wishes, even if it meant pulling the plug.). But I also will tell her what I think of her decision to give up and veg out on a machine in a blankety nursing home. Most of which are so understaffed that they are hell on earth... just wanted it clarified. I know it is her life, but, I do not know if she is thinking clearly, and it DOES affect all of her family. As an ICU nurse, I know there are much worse things than dying. But so be it as far as Mom's requests go. I will honor them-always.
Thanks to all of you, hugs,
Jamie
pee ess I don't mean to sound angry. 4 B's I love your poodle guys, just wanted to clarify.

25 comments:

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

oh Jamie, I have been through this whole darn thing with both my parents, perhaps not so dramatically as your experience, but still saddening in the extreme.

I got so angry, I got so mad, I got so upset. I would not live those times back for anything in the world.

Just hold on there, though, just hold on, she is still with you.

My Peeps went both of them, and I am an only child, and sometimes, hell, sometimes, I am like a lonely child in the wilderness.

I really hope you find the courage and love to be back soon, we love your blog, we feel your pain. But hey, the sun does come out again, perhaps not so bright, perhaps not so warm, but it does come out, and it will shine on you once more.

Keep the faith. (btw I am not religious at all) my experiences with my parents taught me not to be, but life does go on.

Your dogs need your strength and love,

Klaus' passing has affected us all, but we must be strong, we must all fight back and live to enjoy another sunrise, another day.

I have been all cried out too, many a time, but the love of my dog, my family and just waking up and hearing the birds sing their song of spring has spurred me on many a time.

Please keep blogging, please take time, please look after yourself, and please know, that somewhere in central Scotland, (kilts and all - hubba hubba!) we are thinking of you.

this is long enough to be a post of its own so I will stop now, I am sad becuase dear kind and loving Klaus left us, but we have to carry on, for his sake and for the sake of living. And being and celebrating life!

Jeannie xxxxxxxxxxxx

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

WOW!

Marvin's mum's words are pawesome!

We'll keep our paws khrossed fur ALL of you...

Please know woo are not alone despite the helplessness woo feel...woo khan only do so much...the rest is up to others...

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

The Airechicks said...

Marvin's Mom is right...

Hold tight -

XxooXoooxxo

BenTheRotti said...

Jeannie is so wise, it's never easy, the decisions will never seem *right* whether you make them or if you are honouring a wish because at the end of the day they are all painful.
Knowing something is what someone wants does not make it any easier, not being sure of what someone wants (or if they are thinking clearly) is sheer torture, going through this as an ICU nurse must make it so much more diffiult, you know the cold bare facts of each bleep, each doctors mutterings, sometimes ignorance really IS bliss.

I don't have any advice, I am however confident that you WILL ultimatley make the right decisions.. why do I say that? because it's plain for all to see just how much you love your Mom, and you know your Mom best so you are the only one who can make any judgement .. No one here is going to judge you .. at least I would like to think not!

A couple of years ago myself and my hubby had to make some painful decisions, we knew not everyone would agree no matter what we decided but we had to make them. We didn't feel ready, we didn't feel able, lord only knows how we got through it. It wasn't this kind of decision (that one was made for us) but to a degree we appreciate your the agonising you are going through.

One thing I will say Jamie is you need to remember that no matter what anyone else thinks, no matter what anyone else says THEY are not the ones having to make the decision, you will make it from the heart, from the love and bond only a mother and daughter can share, from your knowledge of the essence of who your Mom is, and so it will be the right decision... no matter what anyone says.. ok?

You are in our thoughts, in our hearts, stay strong

Sue xxxx

Gus said...

Everyone has given what seems to be good and caring advice. In the end, you are the one who knows your mother and what she would want. All I have to do is look at the picture of your hands together on her bed to know that you will make the decision out of love and caring.

barb and Gussie n Teka

Josh and Jess said...

Praying for you and your family,

Josh and Jess

Eric said...

My heart goes out to you. I would echo Gus, your love for your Mother, and hers for you, radiates from the lovely photo of you holding hands.

B and Eric

Maggie and Mitch said...

We are praying so very hard for Anna, Jamie! Stay strong!

Love ya lots,
Sue, Maggie and Mitch

Raising Addie said...

Our hearts are breaking for you while reading this post.

We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie and Lucie

Bogart said...

Speaking as someone who has literally just gone through this, all I can say in comfort is that when the moment comes, you will know exactly what to do, and it will be the right thing.

My mind became very, very clear at the moment that I had to decide to remove Klaus from life support. He literally died in my arms. It was the hardest thing I will ever do in my life, but it was also the very best thing I could do for someone I loved more than anyone else in the world.

Trust me, your heart will take over from your head and you will do the right thing.

Much love,
Lulu & Bogart

KEY WEST COLLIES said...

Feel free to bark at us to vent at anytime. We won't take it personal. These are definitely trying times for you.

Know you have friends. You can blog some, vent some to others. Dad knows we all handle grief differently. As Dad has frequently told us, there are no decisions he would have made differently with what he knew at the time. Dog Speed and may the Great Dane stand by your side and give you strenght.

Essex, Deacon & Dog Dad.

Lorenza said...

Your heart will let you take the right decisions.
Take care
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Coco said...

Jamie, follow your heart as it will never steer you wrong. if your heart is telling you to keep fighting, than you do so; when it tells yo tha tit is "time" it will be more clear than ever.

We all support and love you. We will stand behind you with what ever decision you choose. If you want to keep fighting, than we will be your strength.

Puppy Kisses,

Coco - The Princess

Scottie the 'cutie' said...

Our hearts also go out to you after reading this. Stay strong and like the others say, let your heart tell you which path to take. Take care.

Scottie

Faya said...

We are praying for you a lot,
Kisses, Faya & Family

Moco said...

You will know the correct answer when the time is right. This is one of the hardest decisions that a child has to make. Be aware that what ever decision is made is the right one for that time and place.

Stanley said...

Sweet Jamie!

You are one of us and we love you! Say whatever you want or need to say, and know that we are here to listen and to love you no matter what!

For now, that's all I've got... plus a big juicy goober smooch! Please remember to get rest and take care of yourself, sweetie.

Goober love & smooches,
STanley & Lisa

Mango said...

Jamie,
My granny had a DNR and my mom had power of attorney and she still had to fight with the doctors when the time came. That's the last thing one needs during such stressful times.

I agree with Lulu, that when it feels right, you will know what to do. Please take good care of yourself.

Mango Momma

the 4 Bs said...

we're kind of embarrassed that you had to reply to us publicly. sorry if we upset you.

woofs.

Petra said...

You're getting a lot of good advice, Jamie, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

Stay strong!

Mack said...

Dear Jamie,
I know this has got to be one of the hardest times of your life. You are so in our thoughts and prayers.

Love, Mack & Amy

Mack said...

PS: Just remember brighter days are ahead!

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

just wondering how you were feeling and how things are?

We gave you an award, but you don't have to do anything about it, not acknowledge it or nothing, it was just an award for being our friends. I know how much hard work Awards are, and I would not want to cause you any more work than necessary, it was such a nice award someone gave Marvin and I thought of you, Sunny, and Scooter.

Please just accept it from us as thanks for being our pals!

Ps I also put more cheery music on Marvin's blog yesterday, so you don't have to mute when you visit, or if you visit should I say!!

It was making me cry as well, although Time In A Bottle is one of my all time faves, but too much at the moment.

lotsaluv, Jeannie and Marvin xxxxx

Hope things are ok with your Mama.....

The OP Pack said...

We are so sorry you have so much to bear. It is not easy. Our mom has been there too. All we can offer is to go with your heart and do what it tells you - the love will lead you. We are sending you all our thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, The OP Pack

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Jamie, Sunny and Sweet Scooter...

We've been continuin' to pray and think of you all soo sooo often...

We know how exhausted you must be...take care of yourselves!!!

Love ya so much!

Scruffy, Lacie, Stanny and Mumsie